The Bucket List

I love the idea of a bucket list. I think it really helps keep you focused on the fun goals that you have. I've had one since before I'd even heard the term bucket list. I called it, "my list of things to do before I die." I remember making one at around 15. I don't have it in front of me, but some of the entries were;

• Have kids (check and check)
• Go to a keg party (check about a hundred times)
• Drive a race car (no check, but still crossed off the list)

Since then, my bucket list has evolved significantly. Some of the current items are;

• Have a home birth (we've done hospital and birth center, might as well go for all three)
• Travel (this is only getting one bullet because if I put everything I wanted to see or do on here it would take pages! I want to spend Halloween in Salem, Christmas in Germany, visit every continent, take the trans-Siberian rail road, stay in a ice hotel, etc., etc., etc.)
• Own a home
• Find a way to make money that allows us to travel as much as we want
• Live abroad
• Write a book
• Grow/make as much of my own food as possible
• Learn another language
• Go to a concert (I know, I know, you haven't been to a concert?! And no, for some reason I haven't)

These are just a few of the many, many, many things I hope to do before I die. I hope to do so much more. I hope to do things that are so awesome, my imagination can't even come up with them!

I look back at all the amazing things I have done, and I am already grateful. I've done enough to fill at least one bucket list already! I've flown a plane, taken the chunnel from London to Paris, been to eight countries (not including the U.S.) and three continents. I've camped in Yellowstone and seen the Northern Lights. I've lived in England. I've driven across country a couple of times and have seen a large majority of the fifty states. I've earned a degree and have worked in the corporate world.

My whole life I have craved new experiences. I have always felt that I was running out of time and I had to do everything and I had to do everything NOW! This led to many rash decisions, but it has also let to a lot of fun. I still feel that same way but have lost some of my intertia. Don't worry, I'll get it back, and by the time I die maybe my completed bucket list will be long enough to count as the book I want to write!

What's on your bucket list?

I'm winning but you didn't even realize we were competing!

Do you ever find yourself smugly telling yourself that you're better than someone you hardly know? Or, conversly, do you find yourself lusting after someone else's "better" life? Yeah, I do it all the time. The invention of facebook has made it frighteningly easy to develop a shallow idea of what someone else is up to and makes it dangerously easy to decide that you are better/worse than them. The worst part is, I am honestly a little glad when I find out someone who I was jealous of has some huge problem and that my life actually is better.

The funny thing is, half these people hardly know me, and they certainly don't realize we are competing. And for everyone whose life I envy, there are probably just as many envying mine. I mean, who wouldn't? Mine's awesome! But really, we have been born into a ridiculously competetive culture. Some of you might like it and find it motivating. I hate it. It starts as babies. "Is you're baby sitting yet? Does he sleep through the night? Mine does, has for awhile. I'm sure your's will catch up." Um, what? They're babies! Who the heck cares?

It only gets worse from there. School is terrible for this. They even grade us and give us a rating. It could not be easier to see who you're better than! And of course later we become aware of who's prettier than us and more popular. We may not have a rating, but we all know (and in some horrifying cases, groups of kids actually do set up a rating.)

Then after school we compete for jobs, then compete for raises, and compete for a hot spouse to take to the reunion and prove that we're "better." During any of this are we competing to be "happiest?" No, no we are not. We just want other people to THINK we are happy. How stupid is that? In what way does that matter at all?

I am trying very hard to break away from this but it's hard. I definitely find myself trying to impress people. I find myself embellishing the things that are going well and down playing any problems I have. I want people to be jealous of me but really, I'm just setting an untrue precedent as I'm sure many other people also do. And to be entirely honest, from time to time I do things that I probably wouldn't do just because it would be an impressive story to tell people later. Yeah, I'm that person.

I am also trying very hard to just plain be happy for people when they are happy. And that's not entirely a selfless act. If I could feel happiness or jealousy, why on earth would I choose jealousy? It's not an incredibly fun emotion. Isn't "desire the root of all suffering?" (Buddha)

So what is my point? I am not better than you. You are not better than me. We are equally valuable as human beings. Any happiness for either of us benefits everyone. Congratulations! You won! But so did I.

Wanderlust

Nearly my whole life I've been plagued with varying types of wanderlust. This is probably why I've never had a job over a year since high school, and in high school I was kind of legally forced to stay in one place. It's also probably why I've never re-signed a lease and even gotten out of several leases early. I'm guessing it also has something to do with gas stations being one of my favorite places to spend summer evenings. It's also why I made many, many bad decisions as a teenager.

Some people don't seem to have this, shall we say, problem. They are content where they are. They like comfort and routine and don't spend too much time wondering what else is out there. Maybe they are the lucky ones, but I'm not so sure. They miss out on so much, but they don't care. So who's winning?

As you know, I love where I live. I love, love, LOVE it! And yet? I am still incredibly restless. At least once a month I dream about selling all our stuff and just leaving. I have so much shit! It's the stuff that you just accumulate and that you "need" when you live in one place. We have a microwave, a couch, way too many clothes and toys. Sometimes it just feels like such a burden. It helps me realize that being rich and accumulating things is not what I want. I am way less trapped than the person with a giant Mcmansion in the suburbs, the two hour commute, and the mind-numbing cubicle job even if they do make ten times what I do.

So what do I do about it? I would love, love, LOVE to find a way to make money that did not require me to be in the same place everyday. I've working on it. If anybody has any ideas, let me know! I know there are many, many people in this world who are free to wander, who just do it somehow. I don't know yet how they do it. It can't be that hard.

You are a goddess!

It is a sorry state when the closest most women get to their inner goddess is having it bedazzled on their ass.

Our feminist foremothers had done a lot for the rights of women. We aren't sold as property, men aren't allowed to beat us, we can vote, get divorced, even run for president. We can run companies and accumulate wealth. We have all the same rights as men. And yet? We're not where we need to be.

We have to love our true selves. We have to be proud of our femininity and embrace it! Some of us have more than others, that is also something that needs to be embraced. It is not "better" to be like a man, to be powerful or physically strong. It isn't "better" the be chaste or sexy or "hot." It is better to be who you were born to be, not who we are to other people. Why do we care if our boobs are big and perky? Are they in any way better? No! Men, and other women, tell us they are better, that they like them more. Why should we care whether or not other people find our boobs attractive? Are you looking for love? Women with all shapes of boobs have found true love and trust me, your true love isn't going to leave you for your boobs. Are you just looking to satisfy your own sexual urges (which, by the way, is just fine and doesn't make you a "slut" and therefore any less valuable as a human being). Trust me, you will be able to satisfy those urges just fine with whatever shaped boobs you can imagine.

And that is just an example. Do you want to be in the workforce, take charge, and barrel forward? Great! I think it is wonderful that women are now allowed to do this if it is in their character. But would you rather stay home and raise babies wearing pearls and making your husband sandwiches everyday? Then do it! Rejecting our softer sides as retribution for the generations of women who were only allowed to use their softer sides is only hurting us.

As women fought for the rights we have today, men resisted. Then, men gave in. They acknowledged that being a man is awesome so of course women want to be like men, right? Wrong! To this day, it is totally acceptable for a woman to wear pants and play poker, but if a man wears a dress and gets manicures, he is marginalized. Slowly this is improving, but slowly. Women are still seen as inferior so for a man to want to share any similarities to a women, he must be daft.

Sometimes, I long for the days before the link between sperm and babies was discovered and women were revered as the givers of life. But I know that's not right, either. Men are also awesome in many ways. I just wish that we women could learn to love ourselves again, to celebrate our bodies and our souls. It breaks my heart when I read about people dying during plastic surgery or ten year olds with anorexia. Middle schoolers are being teased as "sluts" or "teases" (you just can't win!)

I could go on on this topic for hours, but I'll stop wrap it up. The older I get, the more in tune I get with my female identity, and the happier I am for it. I would just like to spread a little bit of that around! :)

Destiny

I truly believe in destiny. But destiny is never a burden. That little voice deep in your gut, that longing, that is your destiny. You may have ignored it so long and shoved it so far down that you don't know what it's saying anymore, but it's still there. You can never completely eliminate it and it will pop back up from time to time as you lay awake at night or find yourself looking towards the horizon.

Throughout your life the universe will undoubtedly give you many chances to follow your destiny. Many people choose not to. It's too scary and seems too good to be true. Since birth, we are often taught that life is about tolerating drudgery, but it's not! It's also not about avoiding risk or playing it safe. I'm no expert. I haven't realized my destiny yet. I know I am still plagued by wanderlust and discontent quite frequently and I am not sure what to do about it.

It is important to try and listen to yourself. I know that I need roots and security, a place to come home to. But I also need more freedom and adventure. I'll get there. I'm working on it. Luckily the universe knows what your destiny is and gives you the chance to follow it over and over again. The universe knows us humans aren't always capable of taking a hint.

Maybe  your destiny invovles travelling, or saving polar bears, or teaching kindergarten. Maybe it will make you rich and maybe it will make you happy to be poor. I don't know. What I do know is that although it may seem hard, and starting might be very scary, it won't be too hard. Doing what you're meant to do never is. Figuring out what you're meant to do, now that's the hard part.

Thanksgiving

At the risk of sounding trite, my topic of the day is thanksgiving. No, that's not supposed to be capitalized. We all know about the holiday, I'm talking about thanksgiving the verb.

The way we feel everyday is a habit. Do you wake up joyful or crabby? Why? It's not that you're broke, it's not the endless chores associated with toddlers, it's not your job. These things do contribute to your happiness, but only to a certain degree. Obviously, it's hard to be happy if you're living in a box and it's snowing and you haven't eaten in three days. But as long as your basic needs are met, how you feel is a choice. Feeling crabby and angry is a bad habit, just like smoking. And just like smoking, it's really, really hard to stop. But just like smoking, it will eventually kill you. Stress is a leading killer in our society, so no, I am not just being dramatic!

And how do we choose how we feel? I think a wonderful exercise involves gratitude. Everytime you find yourself getting down about something, just take a minute and be grateful. Are you incredibly frustrated because your son drew on the wall with a marker? Breathe. Take a minute and give some thanks that you have such a wonderful son, that he's artistic and energetic. One in 110 children is autistic. Be grateful that's not him. Are you depressed because your paycheck is spent less than a day after you get it and yet you still need new tires? Give a little thanks that you aren't one of the nearly 15% of Americans living below the poverty line. That's like 18k a year, people! We don't need to get into specifics, but we have a lot more than that and I still can't seem to keep our budget on track!

Now this doesn't mean don't try and improve the other areas in your life. Look for the better job, try for the raise! But if you can't be happy now, chances are you won't be happy then, either.

Things That Make Me Smile

Things that have made my morning better;

• Sparkly frost
• Eggnog
• Milk in glass jars
• The way Liam says "moosey-um" (museum)
• New flannel sheets
• Homemade laundry detergent
• Christmas mugs

What's made you smile today?

Accomplishing Things

I have a pathological need to accomplish things. I wake up every morning with a to-do list. Sometimes it's in my head, but all too often it's actually written somewhere. Lately this feeling has gotten a bit manic. Our days have been winding down earlier and earlier. With little kids and it getting dark so early, we end up in our PJ's at six o'clock! I find myself pacing the house in my slippers thinking of stuff I can get done and nothing significant ever comes to mind.

Now, with two toddlers there is always a lot to "accomplish." I can do laundry, mop the floor, dishes are always waiting. But ending up with a clean house at the end of the day is feeling less and less like an accomplishment. Yeah, these things are important, just like the stuff I do at work is important, but it's more like treading water than moving forward. I'm just going to have to do the same things again tomorrow. Even this blog feels that way. When I started it, I felt very accomplished. It was a tool to help me accomplish other things. But I don't know what it's helped me accomplish.

The problem is, I think, that the things I want to accomplish are so daunting or intangible that I don't dare ever put them on my to-do list. I want things like "financial freedom" and "to live in the moment" (the exact opposite of a to-do list, basically). I want to be "self-sufficient" and to "find my calling." Other things take too long to and have no clear point at which you can cross them off such as "improve my credit score" or "potty train Liam." I also think I am plagued with the desire for instant gratification that so many of us are plagued by. But life has always felt so finite to me. I hate to waste even a day of it! Even other things are things I could accomplish, but they require I do something else first. For example, "brew my own beer" sounds simple enough, but it is precluded by "have enough money to afford brewing equipment." Ugh.

But, I don't know what to do about this. Should I learn to accomplish more or should I be happy without accomplishing anything? Should I put the goals on my to-do list, should I break them into steps and put those steps on my to-do list, or should I say eff the to-do list?

I do think that "doing something" everyday is very important. Maybe that's the protestant/capitalist culture speaking, but I just can't see being happy sitting around doing nothing. So today I am going to work on a NEW to do list. I'll still do the stuff on the old to-do list. After all, it still needs to get done. But this NEW to-do list will be a dream to-do list. It will be filled with things I can do today as well as things I can't do today. Here goes:

1. Create a dream notebook with pictures and feelings and ideas
2. Spend time thinking happy thoughts about NOW
3. Try something new
4. Play with the kids/husband/friends while doing nothing else

I think that's enough for now seeing as a "dream notebook" is kind of like one giant to-do list! But a fun one for me. I love projects. They are things that I can "accomplish!"

Ode to Bellingham

Loving where you live isn't enough to make you happy, but it sure helps! And I am very fortunate to absolutely love where I live. Today I went on a hike in the woods. I saw a beautiful waterfall and sat at a bench near the crook of a river with no sign of civilization (except, of course, the bench). And this was all just walking from my house! If I had walked in the other direction, I would have been downtown with tons of local restaurants and breweries. We have not one but two food co-ops, and two farmers markets! There is a birth center where well over 500 babies have been born. If that's not for you, there are also tons of midwives who will deliver you baby at home. Last night I had dinner at a great little creole restaurant and even had some Abita Turbodog all the way from Louisiana! This place truly values good beer and makes plenty of its own, but it was nice to remember my southern days.

I also love my neighborhood, even though it's not a "good" neighborhood. Though really, even the "bad" neighborhoods here are pretty good. But the other day I watched a deer wander onto the neighbor's porch and touch noses with a cat! My other neighbors are Native Americans and have a sweat lodge from time to time.

I even love the weather. Granted, I am a pureblooded PNW so gray days and dusk at 3:30 is home to me and I find it cozy, while others might find it suicide inducing. I embrace these days with soups and cozy sweaters. I will love spring whenever it gets here, but for now I am loving autumn, and I will also love winter.

The people here are also great. Tonight I will be drinking mead (yes, mead, locally made) with some lovely ladies, many of whom share the same opinions and values as I do. I am very excited. So many women here share my gentle parenting philosophies. Many of them also use cloth diapers and nursing toddlers is nothing rare. I read online about women who feel ostracized for being a more "natural" parent. I feel the complete opposite! And I couldn't be more happy.

So if you DON'T love where you live, why are you living there? Do you know a place that would be perfect for you? If you do, you might want to find a way to get there. It will really help.

Life and Death

Yesterday was kind of a sad day for me. A good family friend of ours, one of the sweetest women I've ever met, is dying as we speak. She has breast cancer that is now all-over cancer. Also, and honestly even more upsetting to me, happened to a woman I don't really even know. Her and I were members of a chat group when I was pregnant with Liam and we both had sons in the same month. I didn't keep in contact with her, but I do remember her mostly because she fought with the women I was friends with. But her son and mother died in a house fire.

Now, the first thing I have to do in both situations is explain to myself how what happened to them couldn't happen to me. The fire was started with a space heater. We don't have one of those. Also, I just checked my smoke detectors (by burning something) so we're good there. As for breast cancer, it's more subtle than a fire, but I like to think my extended breastfeeding (just six months of breastfeeding reduces the risk for someone with the gene 50%!) helps reduce my risk. Also, I won't touch fake sugar with a ten foot pole, and the ill woman used to drink a lot of diet coke. It also further strengthens my resolve to by organic food.

This does sound a bit like blaming the victim, but I'm not! I just need to feel like I have some control, something that makes me different than these people, so I don't stay up nights worrying. But even if I'm convinced (which I'm not) that these same tragedies can't happen to me, there are a multitude of others. As you know, I try and stay a step ahead of fear, but these two events have really shocked me into remembering to be present.

And that's really the most important thing you can do. Appreciate every day. I am so glad I'm not working today and that soon I might not have to work. The babies and I are going to do our normal Friday errands, and something fun. I don't know what yet. It also makes me appreciate my choice to let them sleep with me. It is hard to sleep in a mood like this when your babies are clear across the house! And plus, that's eight more hours of quality time that you get each and every day that others miss out on.

So in short, let's all pretend this is our last day alive because who knows, it could be!

I am CRABBY!

Today, I am crabby. I don't know why. Maybe the INSANE amount of energy two toddlers exude. Maybe it's the fact that Max now knows how to use the dining room chairs as ladders and won't stop climbing. Maybe it's that the babysitter cancelled (though a day off usually makes me smile). Maybe it's PMS, which I never noticed before kids but those little buggers mix everything up and you never know what you're going to get coming out of a pregnancy.

So, now we know. I'm crabby. So what am I going to do about it?

Google! Haha!

I've learned that caffeine can increase irritability (too bad, I'm ignoring that one.) Not enough water. Ok, I will drink some water. Eating fish is supposed to help so that's what I'm having for lunch. I had enough sleep, so that's not a problem.

What else? Oh, yeah. The Duggar woman is having another baby. That will make 20! Have you ever seen the show? She is one of the sweetest women I have ever seen. I know TV can be deceiving, but she blows Kate Gosselin out of the water in the nice competition. If I was always pregnant and had that many kids to look after, you can bet I would be sweet and patient! True, I do think their religion is a bit crazy and maybe I'd be sweeter if I had a more tangible fear of hell, but I don't think so. So this news bit is guilting me into at least pretending I am not crabby.

This is my mantra for the day:

"Today is a wonderful day. How lucky I am to get to spend it with my kids!"

Repeat as necessary until you believe it!

Empowered Dentistry

Some of what I talk about won't be for everyone. Some of it won't end up being for me, either! Some of it is only an experiment.

On the topic of dental care let me start by saying I don't have dental insurance. Some financial experts have advised that it's not worth purchasing on your own and I am not offered it through work. I could swing a cleaning from time to time but I'm not sure I could afford any fillings or extractions if they became necessary. Also, I hate to think of dentists weakening my teeth further with drills and fillings and I'm not sure I want to have them remove my wisdom teeth which they will try and talk me into. I figure that my body went through all the trouble of growing these wonderful teeth for me in case I ever needed them. I shouldn't just discard them! They seem to be doing just fine.

So, what to do? I want to be able to take care of my teeth myself. I want to be free from needing an expert. This will give me more financial freedom as well as empower me to take control of my own health and well being as well as enable me to teach these skills to my children.

My first experiment is called "oil pulling." Basically, every morning before you even drink water, take one tablespoon of oil into your mouth. Swish it around, pulling it through your teeth, for 15-20 minutes before spitting it out. I use organic canola oil. You can really use any oil, though I recommend only organic, expeller pressed because the point is to remove, not introduce, toxins. Supposedly, this is supposed to increase gum health and pull toxins through your membranes. It is also supposed to keep your teeth healthier and breath more pleasant.

Today is only day two for me. It's not exactly fun. The oil doesn't taste that great. However, one rough spot that I was worried about is already smoother! I don't know if that's improved enamal or just temporary lubrication, so we'll see. I'm going to continue for at least two weeks.

I have also heard of people who go so far as to not brush their teeth at all! They take certain supplements and eat live foods. I have had a hard time researching that but I will continue and see. At the very least, I am going to look into making your own toothpaste and maintaining proper diet. I will continue tomorrow!

The MOST Important Thing

I really should have started with this now that I think about it. But, I didn't.

The most important thing is:

YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF!

Yes, it really is that important. There is no possible way you can significantly improve your life if you don't start on this foundation. Thankfully, I'm already there. I do love myself. I like my body. I appreciate all it's done for me and I like the way it looks. I appreciate my intellect and the confidence it gives me to pursue my interests. I have moral code from which I rarely stray. I think I am a person worth knowing and someon many people would enjoy to spend time with.

Even if you aren't to the point in your life where you can appreciate the specifics about yourself, you can at least acknowledge that as a human being you deserve love. As a human being, you have a spark of the divine in you. You were born innocent with infinite potential. Even if your choices and the choices of those around you have limited that potential, you are still a person and all people deserve love.

The other side of this coin is that every other person on earth deserves the same. Even the most evil people were born innocent and perfect. These people deserve your love. I'm not saying they deserve freedom or that they shouldn't be held responsible for their actions. Of course not. But at one point they had the potential to lead positive lives. The possibility of these lives no longer exists and for this they deserve your grief. We should all grieve for the wonderful things these people could have done.

Once you love yourself and everyone else, you can start creating the life you deserve because you'll truly believe you deserve it. You will also realize that everyone else deserves it, too.

Fear

The recent holiday got me thinking about fear. Halloween is a time that we see fear as entertaining. We go to haunted houses, watch scary movies, and wear frightening costumes. At the same time, we spend a lot of time and effort protecting ourselves from all other kinds of fears, both real and imagined.

For example, and this really bugs me, nobody will let their kids eat homemade treats. Why? I've never heard of an actual case of Halloween candy poisoning except for one alleged incident that may or may not have happened before I was old enough to remember. I'm sure Hershey is making a whole lot of money off of our fear. It is also fraying the fabric of society. What does it say when we won't trust our neighbor enough even to eat their cookies?

Now, there are rational risk reduction measures that are a good idea. For example, don't let your kids wear dark costumes without reflectors or glow sticks. Cars are a real and legitimate danger. Razor blades in candy apples are not.

Another thing that sparked this train of thought was the ten year anniversary of the Patriot Act. A fearful population is so easy to control. You can get them to agree to all kinds of unfair rules and regulations. You can also get them to buy all kinds of useless crap. Fear is what makes us give all our money to health insurance companies even though we all know they are a racket. Too much Law and Order has people putting GPS chips in their kids and reading our spouses emails. Kidnappers and adulturers are everywhere, you know.

So next time you make a decision, really think. Why are you making it? Is it because you are afraid? Is the fear productive? If you are afraid of getting cancer so you buy organic produce, that's productive. If you are afraid of murderers and rapists so you don't leave the house after dark, that is not productive (at least in most American neighborhoods). We all have to decide how much risk we are comfortable with. But maybe take a minute and reflect on it so that that decision is made with intent and not passively.

Entitlement: What do I deserve?

I think that everyone can have all that they deserve. But that begs the question, what do we deserve, after all?

If everyone can have what they deserve and nobody deserves more or less than anyone else, we don't deserve things that everyone can't have. For example, we can't all have mansions or two cars or be millionaires (well, since money is make believe after all we could be millionaires, but it wouldn't mean the same thing). Our universe may be infinite, but our planet is not!

There is one small loop-hole. Not everyone wants the same things as you. So there is some flexibility here.

So what can everybody have that we all deserve?

1. Freedom from hate and violence
2. Good health, the best health our bodies are capable of
3. A place to call home
4. To enjoy our work
5. Loving relationships
6. Freedom from financial stress
7. Balance

I think that is a pretty comprehensive list. But what does it mean? The freedom from hate and violence is pretty clear. And it's not just freedom from war, but freedom from toxic friends, abusive spouses, dickhead bosses, etc.

Good health is a topic I could talk on for AGES! Good health starts with good food, which we really don't have that much of. It also means non-profit driven health information. Again, this is in short supply. It does not mean the most expensive, high tech medical options available. We spend more per person on health care than any other nation, and yet we are chronically unhealthy. Obviously, we are missing something.

A place to call home, this is very important. We all need to feel safe and secure at the end of the day. It won't always be a mansion, but it will be close to the things you like and need and it will provide a safe, comfortable haven for your family.

Enjoying your work is really up to you. It's not just your occupation, but the work environment as well as your personal factors. For example, I don't mind my work. I come close to enjoying it. But I won't be totally happy until I get to be with my babies 24/7. Even if I was a ballerina or whatever dream job I picked, I wouldn't be happy. And if you're an architect like you always dreamed, but your boss is a jerk, you're not going to be happy.

Loving relationships is pretty complicated. We can talk about that on another day.

Freedom from financial stress does not mean being rich. It means finding work you enjoy and then finding a lifestyle you can enjoy on that salary. We all deserve to not worry about the basic necessities of life.

Balance really encompasses all of this. You need a job that allows you time to see the people you have positive relationships with and pays you the money necessary to provide you with a home. You also need the time to maintain your health. Who cares if you make millions but it drives you to a heart attack at age 35?

That was a long tangent but bottom line, we all deserve HAPPINESS!

And we can all have it.

Empowerment

I think this is a pretty good place to start. What's the point in trying to change your life if you don't really believe you have the power to? We ALL have the power to create the lives we are supposed to have. Us, just us. Nobody else. There's no such thing as fate in your way. If anything, you are standing in the way of fate. And God certainly isn't keeping you from happiness. No matter which god you follow, he/she wants you to be happy, most definitely! As for the 1%, all they are doing is taking your money, not your happiness.

This concept really is so powerful that sometimes I have a hard time grasping it and an even harder time following it. It is really easy to slip into the, "Poor me, why is this happening to me?" attitude. I think this stems from two things. Self-esteem and guilt.

We are not brought up to think of ourselves as so powerful. Little ol' me couldn't possibly change the universe! But we can! Each of us is just as capable as anyone else. I am not a Buddhist, but I love some of their beliefs. Each person is capable of enlightenment. Each person can become, for lack of a better word, a demi-god. Just as Buddha did, we have to let the negativity and baggage that we carry fall away. It has been our ballast our whole life. It is nearly impossible to get rid of it all, which is why there aren't Buddhas everywhere, but every little bit that you can eliminate will let you fly that much higher. And, just like you can't blame people for the bad things in your life, you CAN take credit for the good things!

As for guilt, that, for me, is harder to overcome. I don't like to think that it's my fault when things go wrong. It's the economy, it's the idiots that made my car, it's the dog's fault. No! I mean sure, it's not exactly my fault if my car breaks down. But it is absolutely my fault if that negatively affects me. It is a lot easier to blame someone else than to take a long, hard look at yourself. I don't like to feel guilty. I much prefer self-righteous outrage. I'm sure if you're honset with yourself you would honestly say you feel the same.

So, what is my exercise for myself today? I will not blame anyone for anything today. Also, I will take credit for the good things that happen to me (of which there will undoubtedly be a multitude!)

Introduction

I am going to try really hard to stay on topic. Since this is my first post, I have about a thousand things I am ready to talk about, but I think an introduction would be best.

Let me start by saying I have a good life. I have two great little boys that I couldn't love more even though I sometimes wish I could lock them in the closet. I have a husband I also love very much though I definitely want to lock him in the closet sometimes as well! I have a job that I don't like very much. The job's fine, I don't mind the work, but I can't stand leaving my babies and I really don't like making less than minimum wage after I pay the babysitter. My husband likes his job but he doesn't make very much. Our checking account visits the double digits frequently, though I am thankful we aren't visiting the single digits anymore. We are desperately trying to buy a house. That is a story for another day but it has been AWFUL! But, at the end of the day, I like where I am living, I love my town, and I know that one day I will be able to look around and say, "I wouldn't change a thing!"

So this is my story. This is my journey from good to great. I believe without a doubt in my mind that the Universe is a wonderful place and there is enough boudless joy to go around. If I can just get out of my own way, I can tap into that. Come with me and maybe you can, too. I can hardly wait!