I was having lunch yesterday with one of my oldest and dearest friends. She is someone I would definitely consider a feminist. She seems to be an empowered woman who doesn't buy into stereotypes. She is strong and goes after what she wants with a gusto. That's part of why this struck me so much.
We were talking about jealous boyfriends and girlfriends. She said something along the lines of women are just crazy. She quickly added, "That's my inner misogynist talking."
So if she of all people has an inner misogynist, don't we all? And isn't it great that even though it's there, she can recognize it and therefore dismiss it? Wouldn't the first step in getting rid of it in all of us be that we first have to realize it's there and learn to recognize it?
I'm sure most of you women would never think that you hate women. You'd probably say you love women. After all, you are one. But do you really?
Ask yourself, have you ever called another girl a "slut" or a "tease?" Would you stop your son from putting on nail polish or wearing a dress? Do you tolerate being treated with disrespect?
Misogyny is so incredibly rooted in our society that so often, we don't even recognize it. And that is wonderful for all the men who are afraid of women. If we hate ourselves, they don't have to do a damn thing. We will keep ourselves down. Just the other day I read an NPR headline, "Can the first lady of France seduce voters?" Um, what? Are women so pathetically useless that our only contribution is to have people want to have sex with us? Women accept this and berate each other for being too sexy, not sexy enough, making some ridiculous duck face, staying home with our kids, not staying home with our kids, etc.
The answer is not to think that women are better than men. But it is imperative that we realize that the male and female are like the yin and yang. Both must be present and celebrated in order to maintain a balance in society. The female is just as important as the male. Please think about this next time you want to criticize another woman.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
The stupid things that get in the way.
It is a beautiful winter morning here. Clear and gorgeous. Something we don't get all that often in February in the Pacific Northwest. And you know the first thing I thought when I woke up this morning?
"Damn groundhog's going to see his shadow. Why can't it be raining?"
What?!
Now, I'm all for the fun of holidays, even ridiculous ones that center around rodents with ridiculous names. But why on earth should that ruin my day? Why would I be anything but grateful for an extra dose of vitamin D?
How often do little things like this ruin what ought to be a good day? (And by "little things like this," I mean you, because it is, after all, all you in there.) It's called being a pessimist. It's called seeing the glass as half empty. And it's no way to live.
I am trying really hard to embrace this mentality. Our house doesn't have a dishwasher. Awesome! I never had to worry about it breaking. I don't have to buy dishwasher soap. Look at all this extra cabinet space I have! The bananas went brown too fast, what a great opportunity to try a new recipe for banana cake! The kids and I are all sick. I'm so glad our immune systems get this great opportunity to gain strength.
With bigger things, it can be a lot harder. But with the little things, there really is no excuse. "Punxsutawney Phil, Seer of Seers, Sage of Sages, Prognosticator of Prognosticators and Weather Prophet Extraordinary" should not be affecting my day!
"Damn groundhog's going to see his shadow. Why can't it be raining?"
What?!
Now, I'm all for the fun of holidays, even ridiculous ones that center around rodents with ridiculous names. But why on earth should that ruin my day? Why would I be anything but grateful for an extra dose of vitamin D?
How often do little things like this ruin what ought to be a good day? (And by "little things like this," I mean you, because it is, after all, all you in there.) It's called being a pessimist. It's called seeing the glass as half empty. And it's no way to live.
I am trying really hard to embrace this mentality. Our house doesn't have a dishwasher. Awesome! I never had to worry about it breaking. I don't have to buy dishwasher soap. Look at all this extra cabinet space I have! The bananas went brown too fast, what a great opportunity to try a new recipe for banana cake! The kids and I are all sick. I'm so glad our immune systems get this great opportunity to gain strength.
With bigger things, it can be a lot harder. But with the little things, there really is no excuse. "Punxsutawney Phil, Seer of Seers, Sage of Sages, Prognosticator of Prognosticators and Weather Prophet Extraordinary" should not be affecting my day!
Friday, January 20, 2012
Simplify!
Since the first caveman sharpened a stick to kill a deer, human beings have been trying to make their lives easier through inventions and innovations. Many of these really are wonderful and make us able to lead richer, more fulfilling lives. But none are without a cost.
Let's start with the blanket. What's wrong with a blanket, you ask? Nothing. A blanket is wonderful. It keeps us warm and probably saved a lot of firewood back before heaters. Anyone can make a blanket (though you wouldn't know it now). But think about it. Now the fleas have somewhere to live, so you have to start washing laundry. That's a chore. Also, what happens when you have to move to follow the buffalo? You have to carry all these blankets. You can't carry them by hand, so you need a new cart. You have to invent the wheel and maybe the hatchet. See? Nothing is free.
And look at our lives now. We have so many inventions, all striving to give us more leisure time. And yet, we have very little true leisure time! Sure, we don't spend a lot of time doing actual "work" but we spend plenty of time getting gas, paying bills, washing dishes, buying groceries, etc. Our cars help us travel farther, faster, and more often than ever before, but it can be very stressful worrying about car payments, oil changes, the rising cost of gasoline, and what happens if the car breaks down.
All of the conveniences have also made us incredibly useless and dependent. I found myself thinking the other day that I couldn't havea grapefruit because I don't have one of those little plastic grapefruit cutters. Um, what?! And with cars, if they break down, they are so complicated we are usually unable to fix them ourselves and have so spend huge amounts of money to have other people fix them. We can't even feed our babies without the help of Gerber, or at least a baby food making machine.
So what's my point? We really, really need to think about what we introduce into our lives to make them "easier" or "better." What are the hidden costs? Having a set of pretty china might be nice. It might not be that expensive. But where are you going to keep it? In an expensive china cabinet, that's where. And if you live in a reasonably sized home there probably isn't room for such a cabinet so you're going to have to get a bigger house. Then you're going to have to heat that extra space and clean it everyday. Is that china still worth it?
Here is a short list of things that I think practically nobody needs to own. The only exception would be for people who, because of a certain occupation or something, would actually use this crap all the time.
Let's start with the blanket. What's wrong with a blanket, you ask? Nothing. A blanket is wonderful. It keeps us warm and probably saved a lot of firewood back before heaters. Anyone can make a blanket (though you wouldn't know it now). But think about it. Now the fleas have somewhere to live, so you have to start washing laundry. That's a chore. Also, what happens when you have to move to follow the buffalo? You have to carry all these blankets. You can't carry them by hand, so you need a new cart. You have to invent the wheel and maybe the hatchet. See? Nothing is free.
And look at our lives now. We have so many inventions, all striving to give us more leisure time. And yet, we have very little true leisure time! Sure, we don't spend a lot of time doing actual "work" but we spend plenty of time getting gas, paying bills, washing dishes, buying groceries, etc. Our cars help us travel farther, faster, and more often than ever before, but it can be very stressful worrying about car payments, oil changes, the rising cost of gasoline, and what happens if the car breaks down.
All of the conveniences have also made us incredibly useless and dependent. I found myself thinking the other day that I couldn't havea grapefruit because I don't have one of those little plastic grapefruit cutters. Um, what?! And with cars, if they break down, they are so complicated we are usually unable to fix them ourselves and have so spend huge amounts of money to have other people fix them. We can't even feed our babies without the help of Gerber, or at least a baby food making machine.
So what's my point? We really, really need to think about what we introduce into our lives to make them "easier" or "better." What are the hidden costs? Having a set of pretty china might be nice. It might not be that expensive. But where are you going to keep it? In an expensive china cabinet, that's where. And if you live in a reasonably sized home there probably isn't room for such a cabinet so you're going to have to get a bigger house. Then you're going to have to heat that extra space and clean it everyday. Is that china still worth it?
Here is a short list of things that I think practically nobody needs to own. The only exception would be for people who, because of a certain occupation or something, would actually use this crap all the time.
- Melon baller
- Baby food maker (either feed them regular food, or for goodness sakes, it's called a blender!)
- Automatic can opener
- More than one car per driver
- More clothes than will easily fit in a regular sized closet
- Salad spinner
Monday, January 2, 2012
New year, new amazing things to do!
I know it's been awhile since my last blog entry. I've been enjoying the holidays with my family. I think that's a pretty good reason! But now that it's a new year, I think it's a good time for another post.
I'm sure many of you have created some New Year's resolutions for yourself. I am no different. But I think the key is to have some fun resolutions in there. It can't be all drudgery! So here's what I resolve to do next year:
1. Watch less tv!
2. Have a fun family adventure whenever the opportunity arises
3. Eat dinner, all together, at the table, with the tv off! Eating dinner together as a family is actually one of the largest variables in how well adjusted your teenagers end up so I consider this a pretty important one.
I think that's all. You don't want to have too many resolutions and forget the important ones. I'm not going to resolve anything about weight or money. Been there, done that!
So what are your resolutions?
I'm sure many of you have created some New Year's resolutions for yourself. I am no different. But I think the key is to have some fun resolutions in there. It can't be all drudgery! So here's what I resolve to do next year:
1. Watch less tv!
2. Have a fun family adventure whenever the opportunity arises
3. Eat dinner, all together, at the table, with the tv off! Eating dinner together as a family is actually one of the largest variables in how well adjusted your teenagers end up so I consider this a pretty important one.
I think that's all. You don't want to have too many resolutions and forget the important ones. I'm not going to resolve anything about weight or money. Been there, done that!
So what are your resolutions?
Monday, December 12, 2011
The Bucket List
I love the idea of a bucket list. I think it really helps keep you focused on the fun goals that you have. I've had one since before I'd even heard the term bucket list. I called it, "my list of things to do before I die." I remember making one at around 15. I don't have it in front of me, but some of the entries were;
I look back at all the amazing things I have done, and I am already grateful. I've done enough to fill at least one bucket list already! I've flown a plane, taken the chunnel from London to Paris, been to eight countries (not including the U.S.) and three continents. I've camped in Yellowstone and seen the Northern Lights. I've lived in England. I've driven across country a couple of times and have seen a large majority of the fifty states. I've earned a degree and have worked in the corporate world.
My whole life I have craved new experiences. I have always felt that I was running out of time and I had to do everything and I had to do everything NOW! This led to many rash decisions, but it has also let to a lot of fun. I still feel that same way but have lost some of my intertia. Don't worry, I'll get it back, and by the time I die maybe my completed bucket list will be long enough to count as the book I want to write!
What's on your bucket list?
- Have kids (check and check)
- Go to a keg party (check about a hundred times)
- Drive a race car (no check, but still crossed off the list)
- Have a home birth (we've done hospital and birth center, might as well go for all three)
- Travel (this is only getting one bullet because if I put everything I wanted to see or do on here it would take pages! I want to spend Halloween in Salem, Christmas in Germany, visit every continent, take the trans-Siberian rail road, stay in a ice hotel, etc., etc., etc.)
- Own a home
- Find a way to make money that allows us to travel as much as we want
- Live abroad
- Write a book
- Grow/make as much of my own food as possible
- Learn another language
- Go to a concert (I know, I know, you haven't been to a concert?! And no, for some reason I haven't)
I look back at all the amazing things I have done, and I am already grateful. I've done enough to fill at least one bucket list already! I've flown a plane, taken the chunnel from London to Paris, been to eight countries (not including the U.S.) and three continents. I've camped in Yellowstone and seen the Northern Lights. I've lived in England. I've driven across country a couple of times and have seen a large majority of the fifty states. I've earned a degree and have worked in the corporate world.
My whole life I have craved new experiences. I have always felt that I was running out of time and I had to do everything and I had to do everything NOW! This led to many rash decisions, but it has also let to a lot of fun. I still feel that same way but have lost some of my intertia. Don't worry, I'll get it back, and by the time I die maybe my completed bucket list will be long enough to count as the book I want to write!
What's on your bucket list?
Thursday, December 8, 2011
I'm winning but you didn't even realize we were competing!
Do you ever find yourself smugly telling yourself that you're better than someone you hardly know? Or, conversly, do you find yourself lusting after someone else's "better" life? Yeah, I do it all the time. The invention of facebook has made it frighteningly easy to develop a shallow idea of what someone else is up to and makes it dangerously easy to decide that you are better/worse than them. The worst part is, I am honestly a little glad when I find out someone who I was jealous of has some huge problem and that my life actually is better.
The funny thing is, half these people hardly know me, and they certainly don't realize we are competing. And for everyone whose life I envy, there are probably just as many envying mine. I mean, who wouldn't? Mine's awesome! But really, we have been born into a ridiculously competetive culture. Some of you might like it and find it motivating. I hate it. It starts as babies. "Is you're baby sitting yet? Does he sleep through the night? Mine does, has for awhile. I'm sure your's will catch up." Um, what? They're babies! Who the heck cares?
It only gets worse from there. School is terrible for this. They even grade us and give us a rating. It could not be easier to see who you're better than! And of course later we become aware of who's prettier than us and more popular. We may not have a rating, but we all know (and in some horrifying cases, groups of kids actually do set up a rating.)
Then after school we compete for jobs, then compete for raises, and compete for a hot spouse to take to the reunion and prove that we're "better." During any of this are we competing to be "happiest?" No, no we are not. We just want other people to THINK we are happy. How stupid is that? In what way does that matter at all?
I am trying very hard to break away from this but it's hard. I definitely find myself trying to impress people. I find myself embellishing the things that are going well and down playing any problems I have. I want people to be jealous of me but really, I'm just setting an untrue precedent as I'm sure many other people also do. And to be entirely honest, from time to time I do things that I probably wouldn't do just because it would be an impressive story to tell people later. Yeah, I'm that person.
I am also trying very hard to just plain be happy for people when they are happy. And that's not entirely a selfless act. If I could feel happiness or jealousy, why on earth would I choose jealousy? It's not an incredibly fun emotion. Isn't "desire the root of all suffering?" (Buddha)
So what is my point? I am not better than you. You are not better than me. We are equally valuable as human beings. Any happiness for either of us benefits everyone. Congratulations! You won! But so did I.
The funny thing is, half these people hardly know me, and they certainly don't realize we are competing. And for everyone whose life I envy, there are probably just as many envying mine. I mean, who wouldn't? Mine's awesome! But really, we have been born into a ridiculously competetive culture. Some of you might like it and find it motivating. I hate it. It starts as babies. "Is you're baby sitting yet? Does he sleep through the night? Mine does, has for awhile. I'm sure your's will catch up." Um, what? They're babies! Who the heck cares?
It only gets worse from there. School is terrible for this. They even grade us and give us a rating. It could not be easier to see who you're better than! And of course later we become aware of who's prettier than us and more popular. We may not have a rating, but we all know (and in some horrifying cases, groups of kids actually do set up a rating.)
Then after school we compete for jobs, then compete for raises, and compete for a hot spouse to take to the reunion and prove that we're "better." During any of this are we competing to be "happiest?" No, no we are not. We just want other people to THINK we are happy. How stupid is that? In what way does that matter at all?
I am trying very hard to break away from this but it's hard. I definitely find myself trying to impress people. I find myself embellishing the things that are going well and down playing any problems I have. I want people to be jealous of me but really, I'm just setting an untrue precedent as I'm sure many other people also do. And to be entirely honest, from time to time I do things that I probably wouldn't do just because it would be an impressive story to tell people later. Yeah, I'm that person.
I am also trying very hard to just plain be happy for people when they are happy. And that's not entirely a selfless act. If I could feel happiness or jealousy, why on earth would I choose jealousy? It's not an incredibly fun emotion. Isn't "desire the root of all suffering?" (Buddha)
So what is my point? I am not better than you. You are not better than me. We are equally valuable as human beings. Any happiness for either of us benefits everyone. Congratulations! You won! But so did I.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Wanderlust
Nearly my whole life I've been plagued with varying types of wanderlust. This is probably why I've never had a job over a year since high school, and in high school I was kind of legally forced to stay in one place. It's also probably why I've never re-signed a lease and even gotten out of several leases early. I'm guessing it also has something to do with gas stations being one of my favorite places to spend summer evenings. It's also why I made many, many bad decisions as a teenager.
Some people don't seem to have this, shall we say, problem. They are content where they are. They like comfort and routine and don't spend too much time wondering what else is out there. Maybe they are the lucky ones, but I'm not so sure. They miss out on so much, but they don't care. So who's winning?
As you know, I love where I live. I love, love, LOVE it! And yet? I am still incredibly restless. At least once a month I dream about selling all our stuff and just leaving. I have so much shit! It's the stuff that you just accumulate and that you "need" when you live in one place. We have a microwave, a couch, way too many clothes and toys. Sometimes it just feels like such a burden. It helps me realize that being rich and accumulating things is not what I want. I am way less trapped than the person with a giant Mcmansion in the suburbs, the two hour commute, and the mind-numbing cubicle job even if they do make ten times what I do.
So what do I do about it? I would love, love, LOVE to find a way to make money that did not require me to be in the same place everyday. I've working on it. If anybody has any ideas, let me know! I know there are many, many people in this world who are free to wander, who just do it somehow. I don't know yet how they do it. It can't be that hard.
Some people don't seem to have this, shall we say, problem. They are content where they are. They like comfort and routine and don't spend too much time wondering what else is out there. Maybe they are the lucky ones, but I'm not so sure. They miss out on so much, but they don't care. So who's winning?
As you know, I love where I live. I love, love, LOVE it! And yet? I am still incredibly restless. At least once a month I dream about selling all our stuff and just leaving. I have so much shit! It's the stuff that you just accumulate and that you "need" when you live in one place. We have a microwave, a couch, way too many clothes and toys. Sometimes it just feels like such a burden. It helps me realize that being rich and accumulating things is not what I want. I am way less trapped than the person with a giant Mcmansion in the suburbs, the two hour commute, and the mind-numbing cubicle job even if they do make ten times what I do.
So what do I do about it? I would love, love, LOVE to find a way to make money that did not require me to be in the same place everyday. I've working on it. If anybody has any ideas, let me know! I know there are many, many people in this world who are free to wander, who just do it somehow. I don't know yet how they do it. It can't be that hard.
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