Caring for small children is important and rewarding work. One of the most influential jobs out there, honestly. But...
Let's just say it doesn't strain my mental faculties most days.
In order to help stimulate some grey matter, I am going to be doing a series of book reports. Think one sided book club for someone who doesn't have time to go to an actual book club.
I have a few books on my list but I'm also taking suggestions. If you say, "Twilight" I'm blocking you. :)
Friday, November 23, 2012
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Unconditional Parenting
I'm lying here awake, sandwiched between three little boys, reflecting. I know they'll be wide awake in a few short hours but I can't sleep.
Tonight I'm thinking about unconditional parenting. If any of you have kids, will have kids, or even talk to kids sometimes, I think you should read it. It's by Alfie Kohn and is titled simply "Unconditional Parenting."
This book has really resonated with me. So much so that I started a Facebook group just to discuss it with people. It explains and organizes so many of the things I had felt to be right, but wasn't always confident enough to implement.
The incredibly short version of it is that children need unconditional love to grow and flourish. The trap of rewards and punishments that have been the mainstay of American parenting for generations detracts from this and hinders a child's growth. Wow. And he has the studies to back this up.
Does this mean I always implement it? No. Does reading this book mean I magically refrain from coercing my children to do my bidding? No. But I am so thankful to now have a goal. I am so glad someone wrote down and explained what I'd been floundering to understand on my own.
And lastly, one of the most wonderful side effects of this is joy. I am not there yet, but when you give up the power struggle and selfishness that inhibits parents from working with their children, you can move to win win solutions. And then everyone is happy and life is more enjoyable. I can't wait until I can be there everyday instead just occasionally. It takes a long time to relearn something you've seen countless times, everyday, since you were born.
Tonight I'm thinking about unconditional parenting. If any of you have kids, will have kids, or even talk to kids sometimes, I think you should read it. It's by Alfie Kohn and is titled simply "Unconditional Parenting."
This book has really resonated with me. So much so that I started a Facebook group just to discuss it with people. It explains and organizes so many of the things I had felt to be right, but wasn't always confident enough to implement.
The incredibly short version of it is that children need unconditional love to grow and flourish. The trap of rewards and punishments that have been the mainstay of American parenting for generations detracts from this and hinders a child's growth. Wow. And he has the studies to back this up.
Does this mean I always implement it? No. Does reading this book mean I magically refrain from coercing my children to do my bidding? No. But I am so thankful to now have a goal. I am so glad someone wrote down and explained what I'd been floundering to understand on my own.
And lastly, one of the most wonderful side effects of this is joy. I am not there yet, but when you give up the power struggle and selfishness that inhibits parents from working with their children, you can move to win win solutions. And then everyone is happy and life is more enjoyable. I can't wait until I can be there everyday instead just occasionally. It takes a long time to relearn something you've seen countless times, everyday, since you were born.
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