Accomplishing Things

I have a pathological need to accomplish things. I wake up every morning with a to-do list. Sometimes it's in my head, but all too often it's actually written somewhere. Lately this feeling has gotten a bit manic. Our days have been winding down earlier and earlier. With little kids and it getting dark so early, we end up in our PJ's at six o'clock! I find myself pacing the house in my slippers thinking of stuff I can get done and nothing significant ever comes to mind.

Now, with two toddlers there is always a lot to "accomplish." I can do laundry, mop the floor, dishes are always waiting. But ending up with a clean house at the end of the day is feeling less and less like an accomplishment. Yeah, these things are important, just like the stuff I do at work is important, but it's more like treading water than moving forward. I'm just going to have to do the same things again tomorrow. Even this blog feels that way. When I started it, I felt very accomplished. It was a tool to help me accomplish other things. But I don't know what it's helped me accomplish.

The problem is, I think, that the things I want to accomplish are so daunting or intangible that I don't dare ever put them on my to-do list. I want things like "financial freedom" and "to live in the moment" (the exact opposite of a to-do list, basically). I want to be "self-sufficient" and to "find my calling." Other things take too long to and have no clear point at which you can cross them off such as "improve my credit score" or "potty train Liam." I also think I am plagued with the desire for instant gratification that so many of us are plagued by. But life has always felt so finite to me. I hate to waste even a day of it! Even other things are things I could accomplish, but they require I do something else first. For example, "brew my own beer" sounds simple enough, but it is precluded by "have enough money to afford brewing equipment." Ugh.

But, I don't know what to do about this. Should I learn to accomplish more or should I be happy without accomplishing anything? Should I put the goals on my to-do list, should I break them into steps and put those steps on my to-do list, or should I say eff the to-do list?

I do think that "doing something" everyday is very important. Maybe that's the protestant/capitalist culture speaking, but I just can't see being happy sitting around doing nothing. So today I am going to work on a NEW to do list. I'll still do the stuff on the old to-do list. After all, it still needs to get done. But this NEW to-do list will be a dream to-do list. It will be filled with things I can do today as well as things I can't do today. Here goes:

1. Create a dream notebook with pictures and feelings and ideas
2. Spend time thinking happy thoughts about NOW
3. Try something new
4. Play with the kids/husband/friends while doing nothing else

I think that's enough for now seeing as a "dream notebook" is kind of like one giant to-do list! But a fun one for me. I love projects. They are things that I can "accomplish!"