Yesterday was kind of a sad day for me. A good family friend of ours, one of the sweetest women I've ever met, is dying as we speak. She has breast cancer that is now all-over cancer. Also, and honestly even more upsetting to me, happened to a woman I don't really even know. Her and I were members of a chat group when I was pregnant with Liam and we both had sons in the same month. I didn't keep in contact with her, but I do remember her mostly because she fought with the women I was friends with. But her son and mother died in a house fire.
Now, the first thing I have to do in both situations is explain to myself how what happened to them couldn't happen to me. The fire was started with a space heater. We don't have one of those. Also, I just checked my smoke detectors (by burning something) so we're good there. As for breast cancer, it's more subtle than a fire, but I like to think my extended breastfeeding (just six months of breastfeeding reduces the risk for someone with the gene 50%!) helps reduce my risk. Also, I won't touch fake sugar with a ten foot pole, and the ill woman used to drink a lot of diet coke. It also further strengthens my resolve to by organic food.
This does sound a bit like blaming the victim, but I'm not! I just need to feel like I have some control, something that makes me different than these people, so I don't stay up nights worrying. But even if I'm convinced (which I'm not) that these same tragedies can't happen to me, there are a multitude of others. As you know, I try and stay a step ahead of fear, but these two events have really shocked me into remembering to be present.
And that's really the most important thing you can do. Appreciate every day. I am so glad I'm not working today and that soon I might not have to work. The babies and I are going to do our normal Friday errands, and something fun. I don't know what yet. It also makes me appreciate my choice to let them sleep with me. It is hard to sleep in a mood like this when your babies are clear across the house! And plus, that's eight more hours of quality time that you get each and every day that others miss out on.
So in short, let's all pretend this is our last day alive because who knows, it could be!
Without a doubt, some of my choices have kept me and my children alive. I also like to credit myself with some of the luckier choices that I have made. But the reality of life is that we are not in control. I choose to believe in a Higher Power that is working for our good, but others call it fate or karma or luck or "life", which is their right. The longer I live, the more I believe that it is how we handle challenges, rather than how we prevent them, that makes the largest difference in our quality of life. Like I have said before, it was the things that I could never have forseen that seemed to have the most impact on my life.
ReplyDeleteIt is human nature to blame the victim- not just because of their health habits like smoking, abusing drugs, etc. And not just because of their behaviors like driving recklessly or "stepping on cracks in the sidewalk". We blame victims for their genetics, the culture or religion they were born into, and other acts of God that are beyond their control.
Even the word victim is loaded. Victim implies that something or someone has power over us and is causing our victim-hood. But is it an external force that causes us to become victims or is it inside of us? I am awed by how our dying friend refuses to be a victim. Her cancer is not what I see when I look at her and her family. I see their grace and how they are using this terrible challenge to create something beautiful. Just like you are creating something beautiful when you sleep with your babies and spend the day together. Happy Day!